A Power Lunch
by Randolph O. Mann
“It is about time you got back, Randy.” Linda was annoyed.
“Sorry boss, but the Lab got their end of this project all screwed up.”
“What does ‘all screwed up’ mean?”
“Well the way they explained it, this Feminine Infra- Red Hair Eradicator has just been sitting around the lab for the last two weeks until a laboratory technician found it yesterday under some papers. They were only able to perform the Electronic Diagnostic and the Safety Analysis. The Consumer Practical Application Assessment has not been completed.”
“You’re shit’en me, right?” Now Linda was seriously annoyed.
“No, I am serious as a heart attack, boss.”
“Well, can we get someone on that right now?”
“That is exactly what Mr. W said in the hall just before tossed me the keys that open the side door to his executive wash room.”
“Well what? It is 12:07. The whole campus is empty. It is lunch time, remember?”
“Damned if I know what can we do then. Randy, can you just complete the Assessment?”
“Well, sure I could, if you want to be the one to type the three product rejection summaries, order a next day mail pickup, distribute the staff meeting minutes to the department heads, and order lunch for your 1:30 meeting this afternoon. Plus, won’t it look funny with a male signature at the bottom of an assessment appraisal of a feminine product?”
“For Christ’s sake, just give me those keys and that damned eradicator. If you want anything done around here you just have to do it yourself. Where do I find this ‘executive’ wash room?”
“Two doors down the hall on the left, same side as we are." Randy gave Linda a small digital recorder. "Ms. Browne, here is the recorder for the assessment, just push the red button to start. And be careful, it will record everything you say, so only say what you want recorded. You should start by reading aloud while you follow the step by step instructions, remembering to include your observations as part of the assessment process. Return this little baby to me and I can have the computer transcribe your appraisal in time for the evaluation this afternoon at 1:30.”
“Thanks Randy, sometimes you can totally amaze me.”
Linda thought, Ok, here goes everything. I can not believe that I, Linda Browne, a T. Winston INC. Departmental Staff leader, is having this conversation with myself . Two doors down, same side, here we go, and the keys even fit. So far so good, this little lady just might complete this on time after all. Open the door, and what do we have here? My, my Mr. Winston who would have thought? An oak paneled executive wash room, this is larger than my whole office. A girl can feel very relaxed and make herself right at home while enjoying the private affluence of the prosperous. I will assume the toilet facilities can be found behind that louvered oak door in the far corner on the right. To my left side we find, damn, a whole wall of mirrors! That will steal the breath from an extremely innocent country girl. Why Mr. Winston, you are full of surprises, I had no idea you were such a self absorbed and mischievous little boy, shame on you. Now let’s get on with this appraisal assessment, I can place this recorder here on the bench, push the red button and read aloud.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, today’s exhibition is a layered demonstration of the penetrating properties of the XPP Infra-red Hair Eradicator and will involved multiple applications. Step One will involve one five second total body luminous exposure to subject and subject’s outer garments.”
That sounds easy enough, push the switch and - buzzing. I like buzzing. Total body exposure, five seconds, done. What is next? Comments, and read step two. Ok.
“I found the buzzing sound soothing to the ear. The Second Step will involve one three second total body luminous exposure to subject and the subject’s under garments”
Ok Linda, it seems you must lose your pretty shirt dress. These mirrors do play havoc with a vain girl like me, because I love to watch as my dancing fingers release each of those very stubborn front buttons. This is not my worst nightmare, an unforgiving personal self-examination. My therapist advises embracing one’s own flaws, and I will try, as the dress opens and slides from my shoulders. That body of mine is a work of art if I do say so myself! Eat your hearts out girls, this little lady has game. Note to self; that is one fine rack, my dear! And the posterior looks tight as ever in this appraisal. Enough! Get back to work!
What is the next item on my agenda? Total body exposure for three seconds is done. Comments, and read next step.
“The hair upon all exposed skin surfaces has been removed with no noticeable discomfort to subject. The covered pubic area appears unaffected. Step Three will involve one two second unobstructed total body luminous exposure to subject.”
I kinda expected that was coming. Slide bra straps over shoulders and extract both arms, spin the garment around my waist, back of garment facing front as I release the clasp. The panties go next over the hips, pass the knees and away from my ankles. These items can go over beside my dress. Now the final two second total body exposure, done. There go those manicured curlys I have been growing since Christmas as this light sword visits regions my boy friend is not allowed.
“In my final comments I wish to state the experience was gratifying to the face, I found the application pleasurable to the neck, and agreeable to both the back and arms, but I discovered bothersome vibrations to my breast tissue, the appliance function was maddening when exposed to the nipples, also there was frustrating tickling along inner thigh region, annoying vibration in rectal vicinity and a noticeable warmth in vaginal and pubic area…And that concludes my report, Ladies and Gentlemen.”
T. Winston himself spoke. “Thank you, Ms. Browne, for the very informative and revealing product demonstration, I am sure I speak for the whole New Product Research Committee assembled here in the viewing gallery, behind the one way mirrors, when I say this display has raised some interesting issues and more than a few questions concerning the practical application of this item.
"I also want to thank Randolph, who has kindly given up his lunch hour to operate the video equipment for us, and we will be asking him to provide you with a copy of this display for you to review before creating the T. Winston INC End-User Report that must be presented at our next departmental staff meeting, on April first. Thank you again, Ms. Browne”
“No wait, wait! Randolph? We need to talk!